The THSMB Song Parody Contest

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"The Wreck of the THSMB"

sung to the tune of "The Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot

by BurntOutBill

The legend lives on from ITW on down,
Of the big page they called "THSMB"
The MB, it is said, never gives up for dead
When the bastards that run us turn gloomy!
With a load of board whores twenty-six jokers or more
makes the other boards look kind of empty.
the good board it's said, never bowed down her head,
When those bastards came deleting early.

The board was the pride of the Howard Stern side,
Coming back from the dead we were cursing!
As the ball breakers go, we we're bigger than most,
With a good crew and captain well seasoned!
Re-reading the terms with a couple of law firms
When they left fully loaded for bombing.
And later that night when the board's bell rang,
Could it be Tennesee tell all deleting?

The porn on the boards and a sound wave or two
you could almost here them deleting
And every pirate knew, as the captain did too,
T'was Itw's money we were stealin'.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the pirates of our board came slashin'.
When afternoon came we were bombing again
with the force of a hurricane's passion!

When suppertime came, ITW killed us again sayin'.
Fellas, it's too rough to read ya.
At Seven P.M. our main board up again,
Doc said Fellas, it's been good t'know ya
The captain wired again he had porn comin' in
And the good board and crew was in peril.
And later that night with his wits outta sight
Came the wreck of the THSMB.

Does any one know where the Message Board goes
When ITW turns minutes to hours?
The poster's all say there's gotta be a better way
If they'd put fifteen more boards behind her.
They might have split up or they might have survived;
May have broke down and asked for no quarter.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
click the monkey to see them you oughta.

________________________________________________________________________

"Lesbians"
sung to the tune of "18" by Alice Cooper
Dr. Truth

Two girls sit alone in a room
Girlfriends with nothing to lose
Playing games, then a simple sweet kiss
Pretty soon they’ll be tongue deep in fish

Chorus 
They’re Lesbians. They don’t need any man
They’re Lesbians. Got sex toys in hand
They’re Lesbians. Its okay if women are gay
I can’t stop watchin’ them. These two bitches got me Touchin’ myself all night long

Push play, start the videotape
Fast forward to my favorite place 
Women in prison is the action I need
Pretty soon I’ll have a fist full of me

They’re Lesbians. They don’t need any man
They’re Lesbians. Got sex toys in hand
They’re Lesbians. Its okay if women are gay
I can’t stop watchin’ them. Two hotties 
eatin’ clams all night long

Went into town on gay pride day
Just to watch the lesbians on parade
I told some girls just what I like
I got my ass kicked by two big bull dykes

They’re Lesbians. They don’t need any man
They’re Lesbians. Got sex toys in hand
They’re Lesbians. Its okay if women are gay
Oh please stop hitting on me. These two bitches 
beat the crap out of me all night long

They’re Lesbians and I like it
They’re Lesbians and I like it
Oh I like it, love it, need it, watch it, dream it, see it, touch it.
They’re Lesbians and I like it 

_________________________________________________________________

"Keep On Posting Here"
("Keep on Loving You" - REO Speedwagon)
Aerotica

Used to pretend I was an angry young man, baby
When I trashed the Rican
Then the night crew made me one of the clan, maybe
I could be a cool one!
Then we met, and they called me Fred
So I stomped my foot and ran off to Jess and claimed I'd quit playin'

chorus:
But I'm gonna keep on posting here
The only things in my life are this and beer
I'll make up new names
I'll use my old flames
I'll make them all say I'm the one to fear

I tried to tell them I'm a big-shot board op
Had an in with Baba Booey
But I only work four hours a week
And that's on a Sunday
I'm a geek, a circus freak
I'm a thirty-year-old Philly ass who dates a teenager 

chorus

_________________________________________________________________

"Caroline"
Sung to the tune of "Lorelei", by Styx.
by Buzz

When I think of Caroline my Stomach churns around
Stupid as BabaBooey, glad she’s from out of town 
We see her on the Message Board, Her posts are filled with HATE
This Summer was our BIGGEST NIGHTMARE, she came right to the States
The way she looks, ewww,ewwww
I gotta say, 
Caroline Please stay in Sweden
If you come back here I’m Leavin
Caroline Please stay in Sweden
If you come back here I’m Leavin
Her Pregnancy all made us Laugh, doesn’t know the Father’s Name 
Rusty the Dog or Sammi the Poof, I guess it’s all the same 
Jocko gives her “Interviews”, to prove she’s not that bright 
Then she reports us to ITW, that bitch is filled with SPITE!!!!!
The way she looks, ewww,ewwww
I gotta say, 
Caroline Please stay in Sweden
If you come back here I’m Leavin
Caroline Please stay in Sweden
If you come back here I’m Leavin....

_______________________________________________________________

"Dumb Caroline"
(to the tune of "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond)
by Aerotica

She was lonely
So she began to bug us
Spouting stupidity all day
Jocko fought back
Added her to the SLAM board
Now Dr. Truth's her only friend oh oh oh

chorus:
Swede
Poison fan
Acting out
Boring me......boring you!
Dumb Caroline
Pregnant with her brother's child
I'd be inclined
To use a hangar if I were you

Came to the states
Met a redneck named Sammi
He dumped her ass after one night
She's home again
Found the THSMB
How do we get rid of her now oh oh oh

chorus

______________________________________________________________

"The Three Only Ladies"
(sung to Three Times A Lady - Lionel Richie)
Dr Truth

Thanks for the fantasies you’ve given me
My hands are forever on my groin
Now that I’ve cum, I’d like to take a few minutes
To rap about what’s on my coocoo, crazy mind
You’re one, two, the only three ladies
On the Traveling Howard Stern Message Board
Yes you’re one, two, the only three ladies
Not counting Caroline the bore
Or Fiona who doesn’t post much anymore
The wife, I’ve already sung of your breasts
Aerotica tending bar in the nude
Dragon you’re a little bitchier than the rest
But that turns me on too
You’re one, two, the only three ladies
On this cool, swing-swing-swingin’ board
Oh you’re one, two, the only three ladies
I can’t touch it any more
You’re making me sore 

____________________________________________________________

"B.O.B. fears The Wife "
("You May Be Right" - Billy Joel)
Aerotica

Friday night we bombed an MB
Saturday they came and TOSed me
Sunday came I had a new screen name
We were only posting porn
But the pussies had to warn
ITW that we were naughty and not tamed

Last year we met in Amish land
I was there to give Peaches a hand
In keeping all the drunks under control
Elroy gave "Fred" a clear shot
But he sat there like a clod
Now he's pussy-whipped by a twenty-year-old

I'm not insane
But I may be vengeful
If Fred Flintstone keeps on posting lots of made-up shit
Use your own name
You creepy asshole
We're gonna post the Flintstones wav until you quit

Peoria was a rockin' time
No wife to keep Jocko in line
And the draught was ended satisfactorily
Some posters then were pissed
When they realized what they'd missed
Cause it turns out I'm quite gifted orally

I flew off to the Eastern zone
I stayed in Queens but not alone
Cause The Wife unwisely left me with her man
When he offered me a beer
I said that's not why I'm here
Then The Wife showed up and the shit hit the fan

B.O.B. may be drunk
I may be crazy
So we posted lies of orgies on the message board
Beer farts that stunk
But the JD saved me
B.O.B.  may be drunk for all I know but he fears The Wife

B.O.B.  may be drunk but he fears The Wife
B.O.B.  may be drunk but he fears The Wife

____________________________________________________________

ZUMA DOGG PRESENTS:
Pink Floyd
"Permanently Dumb"
(A song about Gary)

Chorus:

There is no brain, your gums are bleeding
Two giant lips fill up the horizon

Stupid animation cells, he saves

Howard's lips move, 
can't understand what he's saying

When he was a child, looked like a beaver

His lips looked just like two balloons

Now he's dropped the ball still once again
He can't explain, he does not understand

A monkey's brain in a man

Baaaa-ba-booey, has become...Permanently Dumb!

______________________________________________________________

"I Want The Wife"
(Cuts Like a Knife - Bryan Adams)
Dr Truth H.G.F.C.

Sittin’ here this evening, sittin’ with my hand down my pants
I wish LD would animate them, then I could watch those puppies dance
Well I know it’s just a logo, but I hear in real life 
they’re about the same

Oh I want The Wife
Maybe even do her twice
I wanna do bill’s wife
That would sure be nice

Well her old man’s a load, livin’ with him’s gotta be such a pain
You know I want her so bad and I don’t even know her real name
It’s probably not the first time, she had to go astray
Cause I think her husband is gay

Oh I want The Wife
Maybe even do her twice
I wanna do bill’s wife
That would sure be nice

Sing it!!!!

b-o-b’s got a noodle in his pants. 
Oh I want The Wife 
b-o-b’s got a noodle in his pants. 
And it feels so right 
b-o-b’s got a noodle in his pants. 
You know it can’t be wrong
b-o-b’s got a noodle in his pants. 
She tired of bill’s little schlong
b-o-b’s got a noodle in his pants. 
______________________________________________________________

"Knabe's So Confused"
("Dazed and Confused" - Led Zeppelin)
by BUZZ


Oh Knabe’s so confused that we all thinks he sniffs GLUE
It’s still real obvious that he’ll never get a clue
Lots of stupid posting, why doesn’t he know? 
His answers for World problems REALLY FUCKING BLOW!!!!
He planned and organized world Peace 
had 11 people show up on land he didn’t lease 
dumb little cripple, we don't know where you've been
But however much we slam you, here you come again
Every day we work so hard, bringin' home our hard-earned pay
while you’re hanging at the library and smoking sweet stuff all day 
You don't know where you're goin', but you know your legs don’t work
If you weren’t a fucking cripple you’d still be a JERK!!!! 
(Guitar Solo)
Oh Knabe’s so confused that we all thinks he sniffs GLUE
It’s still real obvious that he’ll never get a clue
gave the keys to his board to our esteemed BurntOutBill
Proves he doesn’t have a brain, and probl’y never WILL!!!!! 
______________________________________________________________

"RALPH IS MY BRIDE"
Sung to the tune of "Dead Or Alive"
Dr. Truth

Howard's my name, I got lots of fame
But my wife kicked me out; I got no one to blame
I lost my house, lost my kids and my dog
I sit alone at night, and fiddle with my love log

Chorus
I'm alone now, with only one person by my side
I think its time now, to take Ralph as my bride

Well I go to clubs, with hot babes all over the place
But I can't look away, from that berry on his face
When he dresses me, my heart turns to mush
When he shaves me down, I shiver at his touch

I'm alone now, with only one person by my side
I think its time now, to take Ralph as my bride
I think its time now, to take Ralph as my bride

Gonna have his back side......guitar solo

Jackie's to old, and K.C.'s way to buff
Fred's to scary, and Bababooie just to rough
He cleans my underwear, the skid marks disappear
All I can say, is thank god Ralph is queer

I'm alone now, with only one person by my side
I think its time now, to take Ralph as my bride
I'm alone now, gonna have his backside
I think it time now, to take Ralph as my bride
Have his backside
Ralph as My Bride

______________________________________________________________

"EVERY BOARD NEEDS SOME PORN"
sung to Poison's Every Rose Has Its Thorn 
Dr Truth H.G.F.C. 

VERSE
Raiders on the net, late at night
Pirates on the prowl bombing everything in sight
From religious dicks to pageant boards
Where they dress little girls like whores
Oh let’s go see pageant dad and f--- him just a little more

CHORUS
You know every board needs some porn
Remember we didn’t start this stinkin’ war
ITW’s some censor, Nazi whores
That’s why every board needs some porn

VERSE
JT is Julia T. the queen of white trash
b.o.b.’s got some ho with a coke up her ass
LD’s got redcloud and c-- shots get slipped in
EJ’s daughter’s talent is twirling her prosthetic limb

CHORUS

VERSE
Dr T’s got a gift for getting other boards to feud
im gets off telling women that he’s posting in the nude
Buzz has some good ones when he’s not watching the kids
I get a little wood when the Arkansas mom’s flip their lids

CHORUS

___________________________________________________________________

"WE GOT YOU BABE!!!" 
(Sung to the tune "I Got You Babe", by Sonny and Cher)
by Lost Dog

They say we're rude and swear a lot
We're a disgrace, a Pageant board we're not
Well we don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got us, and baby, we got you

ITW
We got you babe
We got you babe

They think our board has been shut down
Cuz abusin' their policy is all we've ever known
We guess that's so, we don't give a shit
But at least we know how to suck a tit

ITW
We got you babe
We got you babe

We got your balls, in our hands
You got our dicks, in your mouths
And when we're sad, you're our clown
And if we get scared, it's only cuz are board's been shut down

ITW
We got you babe
We got you babe

We got you to shut us down
We got you to kick around
We got you to kiss our ass
We got you to lick our cracks!!!!!!!!!

We got you babe
We got you babe
WE GOT YOU BABE!!!!!!!!!

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