Welcome to the Traveling Howard Stern Message Board Newbie Cheat Page

Traveling Howard Stern Message Board:  The "traveling" was added to the title when frequent shutdowns forced new boards to be created on an almost weekly basis.  Despite an extensive email network, some fine posters were lost in the shuffle, either temporarily or permanently.  This problem was solved with the installment of the go.to link.  The "traveling" has remained part of the board title as badge of honor for those who stuck it out, and also because it sounds cool.

The NFL Trio:  credited to burntoutbill - Three former posters who worked together at NFL Films.  Since all three had the same IP number, their individuality was questioned.

tvorgefrog:  credited to burntoutbill - Amalgam of the NFL Trio, who used the names TVOR, Vorgesetzler, and Peace Frog.

Backpedal:  credited to SR - to move or step backward due to a post or thread that the poster regrets typing.

Internet Tough Guy:  credited to Alan Cheng - a person who types like they're 6'10" and 280 lbs.

Computer Beer Muscles:  credited to Captain Janks, same definition as Internet Tough Guy.

Cents / Since / Sense:  credited to former poster Alan Cheng, who had a mental block against correct usage of these three synonyms.

Funnt:  Mispelling that was univerally adopted by the board.

"How Stupid Is Caroline?":  credited to Jocko - standard response to posts from Swedish people.

"How Big Are Your Tits?":  conditional credit to Roadkill - first question asked of any poster who reveals that they are female.

"Really, don't give it a second thought.":  credited to Doctor Ivan - brilliant reply to whining from Alan Cheng.

J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!:  credited to KOAJ

Kisssshhhhhttttt:  credited to burntoutbill - sound of a beer being opened.

The Hook:  credited to KOAJ - manual stimulation technique purported to drive women wild.

"That's Gotta Smell":  credited to Elroy - comment made at the first Board party

Mental Notation:  credited to SR - this occurs when a lovely woman interacts with the poster and he finds hisself aroused. Due to the poster being in a monogamous relationship he does not act upon it; but rather, waits until he is alone with his significant other in the sanctity of the master bedroom. The 'mental notation' then kicks in and serves as an aphrodasiac for the poster. This phrase advocates fidelity and safe sex.

Game, set, and match:  the argument is over.

Perfect Pint:  credited to SR - 16 oz. of Guinness Draught straight from the tap or from the pub cans. The 'cascade' has diminished, resulting in a creamy, beige colored head. The beverage is now ready to be enjoyed.

Weekend Report(tm):  credited to SR - a journal kept by a board poster, detailing his adventures in the City That Never Sleeps.

Split the black oak:  credit to iron mike - sex with a black woman.

bwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaa!:  origin unsure, although this is the exact sound that both burntoutbill and Doctor Ivan make when laughing.  Roughly equivalent to the anagram ROTFLMAO

Pisswater:  credited to SR - Budweiser beer

*cough*(insert word or brief statement here)*cough*:  the poster elects to be discreet or subtle as to avoid offending.

AKFC:  credited to SR - Apollonia Kotero fan club. In honor of a woman who went above and beyond the call of duty to seduce an effeminate O+/-> from the clutches of a life of show tunes and trauma.

HGFC:  credited to LostDog - Heather Graham fan club. In honor of a roller skating young female who had the wherewithall to go to her knees in the presence of Markie Mark and do the 'right thing'.

Urine Idiot:  credited to John Q Public - you're an idiot

:^&  :  credit to Roadkill.  Much like Prince, this poster went through an identity crisis and only used a symbol to sign his posts.

Riggen - credited to Alan Cheng, from his fraternity days - derogatory name for a black person ("nigger"with the letters jumbled).

Backtoignore (or cough*backtoignore*cough):  conditional credit to the poster formerly known as King of All Misanthropes - a post not deserving of response.

Operation ********:  credited to SR - a vow of action (generally carnal) in response to attacks from another poster.

No Replies for Pedophiles:  credited to former poster 'thrope - standard response to Knabe

"If You Doubt Me, I Will Ignore You":  credited to iron mike, impersonating Alan Cheng - something he actually posted.

Breastesses:  credited variously to the Wayans Bros and/or Howard Stern - breasts

Mama-lution:  credited to Howard Stern - emphatic response.

The Dick and The Spic:  credited to BUZZ - meeting between burntoutbill and SR

KRIST!:  credited to the Faeg Patrol Captain/HK - Term of general disgust and disdain for perceived homosexual tendencies.

"My cock could choke a donkey":  credited to Donkeycock/HK - self explanatory.

Ding Dong:  credited to The CIA - signal that the board was dead that day.

"I carry the board":  credited to Alan Cheng - poster feels he/she is responsible for most quality posts

"I got a thumb up my ass":  credited to Roadkill - another comment on a dead board

Ford Probe / Hammer Molljnar / Uru:  credited to SR - self-congratulatory terms for male genitalia

"The Hell?":  credited to Anchower/HK - Exclamation of anger and/or disgust

"You have a piece of corn on your nose":  credited to RF - standard response to a poster who is kissing someone's ass

"My Wife Won't Let Meeeeeee":  credited to moptop - aimed at an individual who appears to be pussywhipped.

"A special mix tape of Styx ballads will be playing, to set the mood.":  credit to Anchower/HK - Jim describing his idea of a romantic setting.

"Your sheet is showing":  credit unknown - suggestion that a poster is racist.

Viewing of the Breastesses:  credit iron mike - covert operation intended to catch a female poster in the act of undressing.

MILF:  credit Howard Stern - Mother I'd Like to Fuck

Board blabbermouth:  credit Elroy - someone who posts continuously on the board, but has nothing to say for themselves in person.

The Ivan:  credited to Dr Truth and/or Lostdog - annual award for memorable posting in various categories.

Knabism:  a delusional or self-contradictory statement.

a.)Backpedal:
to move or step backward due to a post or thread that the poster regrets typing.
b.)keyboard tough guy:
a person who types like they're 6'10" and 280 lbs.
c.)reach-around:
when your significant other/current lover pleasantly surprises you as they come from behind to fondle your privates.
d.)cents or sense
since. Made famous by the FBI/Alan Cheng poster.
e.) funnt
funny. a typo that has remained to this day. the 't' and the 'y' key are next to each other on the keyboard.
f.)mental notation
this occurs when a lovely woman interacts with the poster and he finds hisself aroused. Due to the poster being in a monogamous relationship he does not act upon it; but rather, waits until he is alone with his significant other in the sanctity of the master bedroom. The 'mental notation' then kicks in and serves as an aphrodasiac for the poster. This phrase advocates fidelity and safe sex.
g.)assplay
anal sex
h.)game,set, and match
the argument is moot.
i.)Joe Perry
this poster is receptive to some good sex.
j.)Perfect Pint
16 oz. of Guinness Draught straight from the tap or from the pub cans. The 'cascade' has diminished, resulting in a creamy,beige colored head. The beverage is now ready to be enjoyed.
h.)"the bar is open"
this means it's Friday.
i.)Weekend Report(tm)
a journal kept by a board poster, detailing his adventures in the City That Never Sleeps.
j.)"split the black oak"
this poster is ready for sex with a black woman.
k.)teabag
a posters testicular sac rests upon the bridge of the nose of his significant other, temporarily rendering her blind.
l.)cataracts
the lady has a film of semen coating the cornea of her eyes.
m.)bwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaa!
poster finds something amusing or is actually ROFLHAO
n.)pisswater
Budweiser beer
o.)essay
a post by AJ Knabe
p.)*cough*(insert word or brief statement here)*cough*
the poster elects to be discreet or subtle as to avoid offending.
q.)AKFC
Apollonia Kotero fan club. In honor of a woman who went above and beyond the call of duty to seduce an effeminate O+/-> from the clutches of a life of show tunes and trauma.
r.)HGFC
Heather Graham fan club. In honor of a roller skating young female who had the wherewithall to go to her knees in the presence of Markie Mark and do the 'right thing'.
s.)urine idiot
you're an idiot
t.):^&
poster known as 'roadkill, an AKFC member
u.)caroline
poster is being called a slut or (insert slang term for female genitalia here)
v.)poser
a phony
w.)trailer dweller
white trash
x.)riggen
derogatory name for a black person with the letters jumbled.
y.)backtoignore
person will not be enpowered by his statement/post
z.)Punjab
poster named Elroy for whom Operation Towelhead is named after.
aa.)Operation Towelhead
an manuever whereby a quality female will be bedded in Elroy's name. The cry of "Thank you, come again" will be uttered signaling coitus interruptus. This operation has yet to bear fruition due to the fact the the very foundation of a poster's marriage may be threatened.

SR, Pres. AKFC for boys who administer stiff cross-checks to black hockey players.

Knowing your initials

ej=easyjesus
LD=Lostdog
HK=Hot Karl
DrT=Doctor Truth
DL=Dragon Lady
SR=Steamin' Rican
JT=JT
RF=Rumpleforeskin
RK=Roadkill

-- The Newbie Guide

Lurkers/board newbies:
Lets recap the makeup and dynamics of the THSMB. This writer feels this post is necessary to provide a broader perspective and alternative point of view to how others*cough*punjab,dapoof*cough* present this forum. (***According to SR, aka Steamin’ Rican***)

Board founder:
Doctor Ivan: creator of the mother of all message boards. Howard Stern expert. Closely monitoring how Jackies defection will affect the show as we know it. A staunch defender of democracy and posters rights. Our leader. Grew up during the Golden years of porn where women eschewed bikini wax. Understand the role porn plays in our daily lives. Valiant effort on his part to nurture and guide one of the most, if not THE most famous posters in board history. The discovery that FBI was of Asian descent had to be the funniest moment, to this writer, in board history. Ironically, Doc might have been responsible for forever driving FBI from the board with his relentless joking of his ancestry.

Logo Dave: saved the THSM from the voy.com wasteland via the creation of this website; fashioned after the successful format developed by ITW(rip). Came out of nowhere to become a board heavy in the truest cents of the word. A leader and tireless worker in support of this site.

Hot Karl: highly-respected counselor. Has the ability to carry the board. Goes for the gusto and lives life to its fullest. Board denizens seek his wisdom and expertise. Presently has the Yet-to-be born HK, Jr. in a holding pattern in Limbo. May be having too much fun to raise a family right now. Spilling the seed in the biblical cents.

B.O.B.: our resident prankster who surprises with his superior intellect. Blue-collar worker with the mind of a college professor. In times of battle, he is our field general. A quick wit when the do-do hits the proverbial fan. Drinks beer instead of orange juice for breakfast.

Iron Mike: skilled in HTML. Humor may be too sophisticated for even some of the board veterans. Fantasizes of sleeping with a big-lipped, big breasted and big arsed black woman.
Originator of one of the funntiest lines in board history, If you doubt me, I will ignore you.

Lost Dog-low-keyed counselor. Intensely private man. Founder of the Heather Graham Fan club. Was moved when he noticed that she instinctively did the right thing in the presence of Marky Mark. His club serves to give direction to misguided individuals who are attempting to find their niche in society.

Jocko: board warrior. One of the rare few who can say the are lovers AND fighters. Swept resident quality board female off her feet after numerous tried and failed. Shes never been the same sense. High ability for musing and waxing poetically.

Quality board female: presently going yet another metamorphesis. A board veteran from way back. Travels the country in search of new adventures. Feels more comfortable in the company of men. Presently, she is being ravished by an unrelenting brainwashing at the hands of the Amish Towelhead. The rest of us are clinging to the hope that she will repel this manipulator before it is too late. Goes by the name of Princess, godhatesme, /^A^\, etc. From the Elroy school of short, concise postings that get to the point and dont challenge the reader too strenuously.

Amish Towelhead/Punjab/*cough*Rev*cough*/Elroy/Elboy

Uses food as a weapon. Hosted the Whoopdie-do picnic. Head begins to hurt after reading more than 1 paragraph. Wants posters to get to the point. Probably has sex the same way when he is lucky to get any. Some posters entertain impure thoughts when referring to Mrs. Elroy. Has a closet with a false wall. It contains hooded white robes. It also contains faggots for an occasional cross-burnings in his front lawn. Hopefully, no Kool-aide will be spiked by this man.

roadkill: one of the board elders. Pictures of squashed raccoons do little to deter this gutsy veteran. Understands the value of quality porn.
Continuing education has detered from the time alloted to contribute to this forum.

Massa: white poster in blackface. His Charmed tv reviews served as the blueprint for other movie and tv reviews found posted here. This rather lengthly essays were tolerated quite well by Elroy, Dragon Lady and /^A^\. However, if a hispanic tries to embellish it is another story. A poster before his time.

Moptop: resident musical historian. His legacy is being carried on by an anonymous poster who uses his name to sign posts. He should feel flattered. Made paranoid by Elroy at the aforementioned function.

Buzz: board newbie trying to find his niche here in this message board. Sorry, but Lord of Porn is not original. (See Dr. Ivan, :^&/roadkill) Has been drawn to the boards dark side. May have been hynotized by Elroy. Delivers Twinkies(tm) for a living.

JT: May have uttered one of the funniest threads ever in the history of this message board. Something about bring a marble cake to a senior citizens center along with a megaphone. But like John Milton, his work is few and far between. This writer feels jaded that more of that talent has not been developed.

Dragon Lady: Supposedly a Canadian hottie. In her child bearing years. Has the uncanny ability to post like an old hag. This writer will attempt to refrain from referring to her as Eunice. Her line about the roller ball-style mouse giving her greater acuity with the scroll feature is priceless. Rumor has it she might be carrying the yet-to-be born HK,JR.
The other quality board female.

Mrs. Lucifer: Trying to make a name for herself here on the THSMB. Jury is still out on her ability to muse and wax poetic. Will continue to monitor.

da poof: When he first happened upon this forum, he suffered foot-in-mouth disease. Thanks to the fact that the Yet-to-be-born Hk, Jr is still trapped in the Phantom Zone, HK,Sr had to time to take this young neophyte under his wing and nurture him in the ways of cyber space. Interesting how HK fathering instincts were drawn out by this poster for a kid from a rival organization. Tried to carry the board like his role model and failed miserably. Suffered the indignity of losing the now famous SR/da poof flamewar when he eschewed a Viewing of the Breastesses in favor of continuing his war with this writer. Brought new meaning to the term backpedal. The new edit feature found in this website thanks to Logo Dave was borne from this incident. Still smarting from his wounds he has invoked the aid of the Amish posse for the all-important backup for those of lesser skills. On the plus sied, he wishes to test with the best and he learned science.

Yours truly: a humble poster.

-- SR, Pres. AKFC for boys who build strong upper bodies when cults result in mass suicides due to the inherent overtime it provides at the cemetry.

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