click here for Jocko's version of A and J's secret, carnal first meeting!
click here for Aerotica's original erotic story, "Hotel Rendezvous"
click here for Aerotica's original erotic story, "Tropical Delight"
Aerotica and Jocko's Song Parodies
"Hangover Number Five"
sung to the tune of "Mambo number Five"
by
Aerotica
Ladies and gentleman
This is Burntoutbill!
One, two, three, four, five
Everybody in the car, so come on let's ride
To the Seven 'Leven on the corner
My buddy said he want some pop and chips
But that lame stuff's gonna
Ruin the buzz I've had since last week
I must stay drunk cuz talk is cheap
I like vodka, bourbon, scotch, and gin
And as I continue
You know they tastin' sweeter
So what can I do
I really thank you my Lord
To me drinking is just like a sport
Anything fly, it's all good
Let me jump in, easy on the mixers.
Chorus
A bottle full of Smirnoff, in my life
Less cream and more Kahlua, by my side
A blender full of 'ritas, all I need
A shot or two of Jim Beam, is what I seek
A tonic and some Gilbey's, in the sun
A lotta Bloody Mary, all night long
A little bit of Cutty Sark, here I am
A case or two of Bud makes me a man
Hangover Number Five
Pour it all down
And move it all around
Your head aches from the sound
Don't know what's up or down
Take one step left
And one step right
Fall to the floor
And then to your side
Spew your lunch once
And spew your lunch twice
And if it looks like swill
Then you're doing it right, Bill.
Chorus
Shotglass, the shotglass
Hangover Number Five
Ha, ha, ha
Chorus
I'd do all to
Crawl inside a bottle with you
Cuz you can't run
And you can't hide
You and me gonna ride this high
Hangover Number Five
______________________________________
"Lucifer the Militant Stern Fan"
sung to "Lucy in the Sky"
by
Aerotica
Picture yourself in a chat about Howard
Bashing on Jackie, and Gary's big teeth
Suddenly someone appears with huge red fonts
The guy who says "Love Stern or bleed!".
He'll lead you into his own form of hell
And throw in some sex on the way
You'll think he's Satan commanding his own
But he's not
Lu Cifer the militant Stern fan
Lu Cifer the militant Stern fan
Lu Cifer the militant Stern Fan
HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Follow him over to AFA's website
Leave your love notes for Howard haters
Then come to "hell" for more sites to attack
And plugs for the Genitorturers
Listings of stations that air Howard's show
Curses on stations that caved
He even pretended to be Roadkill's friend
But he's not
(chorus)
Asmodeus thought he would be her true lover
But it turned out he was not
He's gone back south to the land of the aged
The guy who says "Love Stern or rot!"
(chorus)
__________________________________________
"These Stocks are Made for KOAJ"
sung to "These Boots are Made for Walking"
by
Aerotica
You keep saying that you're only playing
Watching prices fall or rise or hold
NASDAQ's up. but the Dow is falling
To win you have to learn how to be bold
These stocks are made for trading
And that's just what you do
One of these days those trades will turn into big bucks for you.
At day's end you go for your workout
Then you hit the bars to scope out chicks
You get all the sex that you can handle
Still you're searching for the one that clicks
(chorus)
Trophy wife, mansion and Ferrari
That's what you hope the market brings to you
But for now you just play your hunches
And dream of retiring when you're forty-two
(chorus)
Are you ready, stocks?
Start splitting.
_______________________________________________________
"Come to Roswell"
sung to the tune of "Come Together"
by
Jocko
Here come ol’ Knabe, he come squeakin’ up slowly
He got buggy eyeballs, he one crazy cracker
He say, I know you, hope you DON’T know me
One thing I kin tell ya
Desert concerts ain’t free!
COME TO ROSWELL RIGHT NOW
FOR WORLD PEACE!
He bag a band an’ a couple of fans
He got no permit for ta use the land
He got chased off by the law
Hold you in his wheelchair
You can still hear him wheeze!
RUN FROM ROSWELL RIGHT NOW
CAN YA CARRY ME?
He rollin to Muenster, gonna run for office
He think Texans like their mayors loopy
He say votes? One and one and one is three
That’s Me, my momma,
and my sister Audrey!
VOTE FOR KNABE RIGHT NOW
HE’S DA AUTHORITY!
_____________________________________
"American Delusional Idiot"
sung to the tune of "American Pie"
by
Jocko
A long, long time ago…
I can still remember how it felt to use my feet
And I knew if I smoked dope enough
That I could sit here on my fat duff
And pretend that I wasn’t chained to this seat…
But my girlfriend, she got wise
Blew me off, gave no alibis
And the greatest indignity-
Her little girl had beat me!
And I can’t remember if I cried
When the bitch wouldn’t be my bride
I stewed and fumed and almost died…
If only… I’d commit… suicide!
Chorus:
So bye-bye, Mr. Sanity man,
My writing isn’t biting and I need a CAT-scan,
And online fools tell me, “move to Pakistan,”
I say, “oh won’t you read of my plan?”
“oh, won’t you just read of my plan?”
Did I remember to book some acts
For the desert concert for us maniacs?
It’s OK, I called VH1…
That’ll stop critics in their tracks
As they chase me with an axe
And I get high on mom’s Ex-Lax
The voices… tell me… it’s fun.
Chorus
I think I’m God, or at least His son
And can’t see how foolish I’ve become
I will force them all to see…
I’m a Jedi, no, I’m Mister Spock
I’ll use the Force to sell this crock!
Even so, I still can’t seem to walk-
A little help? I need to pee!
Chorus
If you’re smart you’ll heed my words
Though I smell like week-old turds
And I know I could use a bath…
I’m my own biggest fan on the net
I'm so beloved by all that I’ve met
Surprise! I’m still not done yet!
I love being…a psychopath!
Chorus
Slows down here….
I met a girl who spat in my face
Said I was a loser, a gimp, and a disgrace
But my ego she could not erase
I just wish… she hadn’t… used Mace.
So bye-bye, Mr. Reality guy
I’m so hated, so berated that I should give up and die
They hate my essays, and then called the FBI,
If I wasn’t God, I would cry…
If I wasn’t God I would cry.
_________________________________________
AJ Knabe's Song
by Jocko
AJ Knabe had a problem
And Jocko was his name-o
J-O-C-K-O...
J-O-C-K-O...
J-O-C-K-O... and Jocko was his name-o!
Knabe's board was filled with crap
And Jocko was to blame-o!
(clap)-O-C-K-O...
(clap)-O-C-K-O...
(clap)-O-C-K-O... and Jocko was his name-o!
Knabe promised he would change
But he was just the same-o!
(clap)-(clap)-C-K-O...
(clap)-(clap)-C-K-O...
(clap)-(clap)-C-K-O... and Jocko was his name-o!
Knabe had to moderate
'Cuz it was filled with porn-o!
(etc. etc.)...and Jocko was his name-o!
Knabe woke one day to find
His mouth was filled with Dran-O!
(you know the rest)...and Jocko was his name-o!
Someone wore red to the funeral,
And Jocko was his name-o!
(blah, blah, blah) ... ALL TOGETHER NOW! AND JOCKO WAS HIS NAME-O
_____________________________________________
"Poor Little Poofie" sung to "Rocky
Raccoon" by the Beatles.
Now somewhere in the stinking wastes of South Philly
There lived a young boy goin be the name of Da Poof
And one day he lost his asshole act to another guy-
Made poor Poofie wanna cry, he didnt like that
Poofie said, gonna git dat boy
So one day he surfed to the Stern Board
Got hisself a logo, started actin like a total goof...
Da poor little Poof could only just spoof
And step on the toes of the others.
Poofie showed up with a tremendous gut
And every decent post did he smother!
His rivals it seemed had stolen his themes
By grabbing the spotlight from his postings.
Jocko and Lu, Logo Dave and BUZZ too
And everyone else was sick of Poofs posing.
Da Poof stole their names, cuz his own was so lame
Picked fights and then played innocent
Logo Dave caught wise, trick logos he devised
And poor Poofie was left with no content!
Poofs doctor popped by, with a gleam in his eye,
Proceeded to pull on the rubber glove.
He said, Poofie, youve met your match.
There's a size-14 Reebok stuck up your ass.
And Poofie said, I know, Doc I think I'm in love!
Now poor little Poof jumped off of his roof
With tears running down his pimply mug.
With no friends and no hope, this pugnacious dope
At last, at last wasn't so F-ing smug!
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